


cafuné

by Vilna



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/F, Genderbending, Hair stroking, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27083773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vilna/pseuds/Vilna
Summary: One of Keith’s favourite moments in the world is when Shiro plays with her hair.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 25
Collections: Femsheith Exchange 2020





	1. Act 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a late femsheith exchange gift for [Kin](https://twitter.com/kinndraws)! ᵔᴥᵔ 
> 
> I hope you can enjoy the fic despite the long wait! ♥ Your wish list was very inspiring but the execution was harder than I thought, haha.
> 
> This is a small study of Keith and Shiro's relationship as it evolves from pre-kerb to season 1. The first part is kind of angst-driven, apologies for that, but the second chapter is a happy one, I promise! I didn't tag this as underage because nothing happens before Keith is off-age, but Act 1 does take place pre-Kerberos while Keith is seventeen and very much in love with Shiro! There's also mentions of Shiro and Adam's relationship, but it's really minor, I think.
> 
> Thank you also to Robin, sharki & Sarah for organising this event and being endlessly patient and kind!! ♥
> 
> Kudos & comments make my day as always, I hope you like it!

James Griffin is a fucking moron, a dirty stain in the society, and Keith hates her slightly more than it's called for.

So naturally, it doesn’t take long at all for Keith to finally lose her patience and punch her stupidly pretty face.

For a moment it feels so incredibly good she wants to laugh. Fuck her, fuck them all, she thinks even when she’s sitting in Iverson’s office and listens to him wag his tongue without truly even hearing the words.

She only realises how stupid she is acting when Shiro, perfect Shiro, comes to bail her out of trouble. Of course she does, of course, she comes for Keith, because they’re best friends and Shiro loves her.

Keith has never doubted otherwise, she knows Shiro cares for her and is concerned about her well being, but it’s just…. different. In a very painful way. Keith may be only sixteen but she knows she’s right about her own feelings. She knows her heart craves for Shiro more than anything and she knows that will never cease to be so.

I will never give up on you, Shiro says and Keith can tell that she genuinely means it but also _believes it_. No one has ever had this much faith in her. It's almost impossible to think about.

In conclusion: Keith is sixteen when she first falls in love with Shiro.

*

So, here’s the thing:

try to imagine, just for a moment, being some insignificant (and perhaps troublesome) 16-year-old girl named Keith Kogane who falls in love with someone she can't possibly ever have.

Imagine how it would hurt-- how the ache would spread like a mortal wound until one would bleed to death. It feels a lot like dying but more than that -- there's something fascinating about how morbid it is, how all-consuming the dread can be when one realises that this is something they have to live with for the rest of their days.

Yes, it sucks, and yes, it hurts. Cry me a fucking river.

But because of it, there’s nothing Keith wouldn’t do for Takashi Shirogane and that is something that won't change. Ever.

How very dramatic, Shiro says with a laugh, not unkindly, when Keith tells her that she loves her more than anyone in the world and would very much like to be her girlfriend. Keith is sixteen then, practically an adult in all but in the eyes of the law, and she just doesn’t get why Shiro doesn’t even humour her enough to actually consider that what they share is something more than mundane, boring friendship.

Their love could be cosmic and all-consuming, something built to last. The main issue they have is sad: Shiro doesn’t think Keith is _serious_. She says that Keith is too young to know what she wants, too young to make this kind of decision, too young to truly commit to a real relationship like this. 

And it’s all fucking bullshit, of course. Shiro knows that Keith knows that all those words are a bunch of excuses made to mask the obvious truth Keith’s been aware of from the start.

Because the real reason is that Shiro doesn’t feel the same way about Keith. She doesn’t love Keith in the way Keith loves her.

Shiro’s in love with someone else and that someone is her girlfriend called Adam Watson. A very generic name for a very generic person, Keith thinks, not at all bitterly, every time she sees them together. Shiro could do better, is the thought that haunts her in the cold nights when she falls asleep alone while knowing that at that moment, Shiro is in bed with Adam, their bodies curled around each other, holding tight, their hearts cradled between like they're worth everything to protect against. And maybe their love is indeed worth that much, but Keith doubts it.

Yes, Shiro could do so much better than someone who is only there to crush her dreams and Keith intends to make her see that, one way or another.

*

One of Keith’s favourite moments in the world is when Shiro plays with her hair.

It's a thing they do: lying on a couch watching movies with Shiro's big hand buried in Keith's short locks of black hair which is just a little too long and messy to be a proper pixie cut. It's one of the nicest things Keith has ever felt, so she revels in it-- perhaps more than is necessary. Shiro has never commented or asked about it and Keith can't decide whether she's disappointed or not.

If Shiro _did_ ask, Keith would say that it's nice to have someone who actually cares about her. To have someone so gentle and kind it makes her pessimistic attitude towards the world change drastically for the better.

But for now, Keith just enjoys the feel of Shiro's blunt nails against her scalp and the way her long fingers comb gently through her hair. The feeling is so good it's hard to describe words that are sufficient enough to truly portray the amount of affection Keith feels in these kinds of minutes.

One of their shared nights go like this:

“You’re... _purring_ ,” Shiro says, very quietly (carefully?), when Keith is half-asleep with her head buried in Shiro's lap, her cheek pressed against the strong muscle of Shiro thigh. This is the most comfortable she’s possibly ever been-- with Shiro’s fingers combing through her tousled hair.

“Mm?” she yawns, burrowing her face to Shiro’s stomach which is soft and pudgy in the slouching position Shiro is in right now. Shiro is, of course, probably more muscled than anyone else in Garrison, but like this? She’s cuddly and very warm in a way that makes Keith want to stay in her lap forever.

She’s tired and relaxed, her mind foggy with love and affection and it takes a while for Shiro’s words to sink in. “What do you mean purring?” she asks.

Shiro shrugs, her hand pausing its movement making Keith feel like she has done something wrong. “Purring,” Shiro repeats. “Like a cat.”

“Huh,” Keith mumbles. She turns her head to be able to look at Shiro’s face, nose pinching. “Sorry,” she murmurs a little sheepishly. Shiro chuckles warmly and smiles down at her, the sight so pretty it makes Keith ache.

"Don't be," Shiro says easily, her hand coming down to rest against Keith's stomach, tapping with a palm. "It's cute."

Shiro has been… avoiding the topic of Keith's affections since she first confessed them to Shiro. She seems content to ignore it as puppy love and even now there's nothing intimate about the words, it's an innocent, careless statement with no secretly written love letter in it. 

And yet -- yet Keith can feel her cheeks heating and she bites her bottom lip with her teeth. Shiro has already turned her gaze back to the tv, though, probably didn't even notice Keith's reaction.

Because they're friends and allies against the world, but nothing more than that.

Even if it is utter bullshit for anyone to doubt that Keith loves Shiro more than life itself. Keith will make her see, she will make them all see, mark her words.

No one in the world is more important than Takashi Shirogane.

*

Time flies, as they say, and eventually Adam and Shiro end up breaking things off.

It was inevitable, Keith dares to think inside her closed-off mind but she’s not cruel enough to let Shiro know about her unfairly smug thoughts. She hates to see Shiro hurting like this, she detests Adam with her every bone, because Shiro always thought that she and Adam would be the real deal as much as it pained Keith to admit. Shiro thought that over time they would get married and be happy with at least three kids and a house with a white picket fence. Maybe a throw in a dog, too, to make it even better.

Yes, a perfect life, a perfectly painted future. It was a nice dream, Keith thinks. Shiro certainly deserves to have those things-- more so than anyone else Keith has come to know. But maybe, this was for the best.

Keith briefly entertains the thought of making her move now, how she would comfort Shiro better than anyone else could: how Keith would wipe her tears and hug her better than anyone else could; watch movies all day and eat junk food; kiss her until she falls asleep with a happy smile on her face.

But that would feel as if she was taking advantage and that is the last thing she wants to do. 

No, Keith will wait for Shiro even if it will take years. She's worth it.

They are worth it.

*

And then, almost without a warning:

The launch of the Kerberos mission is coming closer and closer a lot quicker than Keith would like.

She knows Shiro will do great. She knows this is what Shiro wants more than anything, the one reason she’s risked _so_ much for -- the one thing she wants to do before her body will start betraying her in a more lasting way. She deserves to do this, she deserves to feel like she’s doing something good, that she’s making history in a way she knows best. Shiro is an excellent pilot and a better friend and she’s the one person who Keith will support through thick and thin.

_But_ \-- that doesn’t mean Keith doesn’t miss Shiro like hell once she’s gone.

They don’t spend the last night before the launch together.

Or more accurately: alone.

Because there's a party.

A very _large_ surprise party.

Keith is not sure whose idea it was or who organised it, but there she stands in the corner of the room, clutching a soda can in her fist while loud, obnoxious music is making her ears ring. There's laughter and drunk people and dancing -- the whole shebang. Something memorable and fun for Shiro and Matt to remember when they're gone to chase their dreams.

Keith's disappointed, to say the least.

So, as one can probably guess: she's moping. 

Though, she tries not to be very obvious about it. She's standing in the farthest corner of the room drinking her orange soda one tiny sip at the time and tries not to look like she wants to kill someone. Even if that isn't that far from the truth.

Keith doesn't know where Shiro is. She hasn't seen even a glimpse of her in 20 fucking minutes when she dancing with some of her _other_ friends to the beat of the music like a massive dork, being so damn annoying and --

Cute. The word is cute. It made Keith want to kiss her for the first time in a while. 

Because she's giving Shiro space. To think and to feel. And maybe, just maybe -- to _realise_.

She can do it and she has done it and it hasn't hurt nearly as much as she suspected. So, it's fine. They're friends. Great friends.

Keith sips her soda again. It tastes bad and she kind of hates it, but she hasn't had anything else to do when Shiro's not with her.

Where the hell is she? 

Keith scowls.

In the end, after an hour of Shiro nowhere to be seen: leaves the room.

*

The next morning Shiro leaves with a bone-warming farewell hug and it's one of the better things Keith has ever felt. Shiro says she will miss her and Keith returns the sentiment, the truth of everything between enclosed by voiceless lips.

But it's also very proper. Professional. The words Keith speaks are ones she rehearsed last night after she returned to her room and shed a couple of tears for the unfairness of the world. They don't bring up yesterday other than Shiro apologising for her disappearance ten times in a row and Keith shrugging it off like the good friend she is.

Shiro touches Keith's hair, pets the shaggy bangs away to meet her eyes. Then she pokes the corner of Keith's downturned mouth and tells her to smile, they will see each other again real soon.

Neither of them thinks it's a lie or untruthful because it's shrouded by genuine obliviousness of all that could go wrong.

+

After the supposed pilot error, more than anything else Keith ends up regretting, is that she didn't tell her she was in love with Shiro the second time.

Maybe Shiro would have finally indulged her without closing her eyes.


	2. Act 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things continue like this for god knows how long. There's tender touches, warm words and flickering hope and it’s absolutely infuriating not to know what it all means. Keith has no clue what to make of it all. She doesn’t know what to make of _Shiro_ anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second and final chapter, I hope you guys enjoy! ♥

When one blinks, it's not supposed to waste a fraction of one's lifetime. The movement is too brief, too insignificant. Unremarkable.

It's definitely not supposed to _matter_ this much, not how Keith feels like it does during the year she spends in the desert before Takashi Shirogane returns back to Earth. Keith is only eighteen yet she feels like she's so old her tombstone has already been engraved with words that mean nothing to no one.

As stupid and irrelevant as the thought may be, there's a bite of truth in it as well and that is what Keith remembers when Shiro comes back;

battered and bruised but just like Keith knew she would be -- _alive_.

*

Yes, Shiro is alive and maybe she's not entirely well, but she lives and breathes and that's the only thing that matters first and foremost in Keith's biased opinion.

Curiously enough, "Your hair's gotten longer," is one of the first things Shiro says to Keith after their long-overdue reunion. There's a strange sort of hue in her tone, one that makes Keith's heart jump up and down faster than -- well, since Shiro was taken from her.

An idiotic thought because Shiro was never Keith's, to begin with, but somehow that doesn't seem to matter as much anymore.

So, Keith smiles, just a little more pleased than necessary. Her hair is indeed longer, almost reaching her shoulder blades at this point which is probably a little weird considering it's only been a year since they have last seen each other. Yet another unexplainable, strange feature Keith has come to have. She should probably list them all down.

"Yeah, it is," Keith says. Shiro clears her throat as her eyes flicker to Keith's own. Her own hair is as short as ever, jet black with white bangs drooping on her forehead.

It's not strange or weird, Keith thinks. Just different.

The arm is different, too, but Keith still loves Takashi Shirogane as endlessly as she did when she was seventeen and stupid with it.

How would it feel like to say that aloud once more? That is what Keith briefly wonders before Shiro opens her mouth again.

"It looks… _nice_ on you, I think," Shiro continues, sounding unusually awkward. Her human hand reaches out to tug on Keith's hair, just like she used to do before the Kerberos mission. It's nice. Familiar. It's been so long since Keith has been touched by Shiro and it feels like it's been even longer when she touched her in return.

Shiro's mouth twitches before she suddenly snaps her hand back and coughs loudly. Further yet, she doesn't meet Keith's eyes anymore, looking up to the blue, blue sky instead, her hands curled into tight fists.

"Thanks," Keith says and then there's only a hell of a lot of silence.

*

Life can certainly be interesting with enough stimulus, but space is still very different than Keith ever thought it could be.

In more ways than one.

*

Mostly because:

inch by inch, time after time, Keith & Shiro begin to change and evolve.

Or perhaps this is ever so more accurate: Shiro seems to change her opinion of Keith.

It's not as if they weren't very close friends during the Garrison days, both of them know that to be true and Shiro has also said it in so many words. Still, it doesn't take a lot of Keith to notice the slight alteration in their dynamic.

Here are a few things that are new:

1\. Shiro touches Keith more freely.

They were already very tactile with each other back in the Garrison, but this is different. Deeper. More intimate. It's no longer just petting Keith's hair and cuddling her when they're half asleep and watching movies.

It's Shiro holding her hand. Shiro almost casually wrapping her arm around Keith's waist. Shiro cupping Keith's cheek and smiling warmly down at her.

All the new attention fucks up Keith a bit. Because it feels like she's loved Shiro for a whole eternity without gaining much in return and suddenly she has something like _this_.

It kind of feels even a little unfair.

2\. Shiro praises Keith more frequently.

It's not like she didn't compliment Keith before at all, but now Shiro tells Keith that her hair looks nice when Keith has enough patience to try to style it in some way. She says that Keith's leather jacket looks good on her even though Keith has worn that same damn thing for over three years now and Shiro never commented on it before. Shiro says that she likes seeing Keith smile because "her smile is pretty and always makes her feel better."

In conclusion, Shiro says a lot of things and all of them are new and genuine. It feels unreal and impossibly good at the same time because Keith didn't think this was something that could ever happen. Call her a pessimist.

3\. Shiro blushes around Keith. Like, a lot.

She never used to do that but now she flushes even from the slightest of things. When Keith compliments her back. When Keith touches her in return after Shiro brushes the back of her knuckles across Keith's cheekbone. When Keith confesses off-handedly that she still thinks the world of Shiro -- how that has never changed despite their unique circumstances.

She will always love Shiro endlessly, plain and simple. There’s no use beating around the bush when it’s practically common knowledge at this point. She's pretty sure even Lance has figured it out.

Shiro blushing is a rather adorable sight, Keith has to admit. Her ears get pink from the slightest of physical contact and her words stammer for a good while afterwards. Keith is intrigued so she can’t help but prod and poke more than necessary, but Shiro never calls her out on it or asks her to stop which is very interesting in Keith’s opinion.

So yes, Shiro is changing, _they_ are evolving and it's a very interesting new development even if Keith tries her very best to not to read too much into it. The disappointment would be far too crushing if it turned out to be false hope.

*

They start sparring together again.

At first Shiro wasn't willing to do that for the longest of times despite Keith insisting it would be fine and she's not scared of Shiro, could _never_ be scared of Shiro. It's impossible to even think about.

But still, Keith does, of course, understand Shiro's hesitation even if she sometimes feels a little frustrated by it. She cannot even imagine everything that Shiro has been through and so far Shiro has been quiet about it. Keith understands that, too. Time is not of the essence right now for it takes a lot more than just that to heal.

Keith remains patient as well as she can, because Shiro deserves everything she could possibly want. Keith is kind and sweet, lets Shiro know that she will always be there for her and that is something that will never expire. She's far too gone and in love for that to ever happen.

No, Keith won't ever change her mind about Shiro. Ever. Even if she has to suffer through unrequited (?) feelings for the rest of her life.

But yes, sparring comes almost a daily occurrence for them. It's something to do, something to feel.

It takes time for Shiro to stop being too careful. A long, _long_ while, but eventually they get there.

*

The hair is, apparently, some sort of _thing_ for Shiro.

It’s not weird or creepy or anything like that (as if Shiro could ever be one of those things), but when Shiro asks Keith if she can braid it, it starts to get interesting.

Because the truth of the matter is, of course, that Shiro has probably never braided hair in her life. Shiro’s own hair is short and handsome, a simple undercut that only needs regular buzzing and some sort of weird, expensive shampoo (that can definitely not be found in outer space) but that’s about it as far as Keith knows. She’s never seen Shiro with long hair. Though, she imagines it would be fascinating to see her grow out her hair some time, she would look good like that, Keith suspects. Shiro looks good in every way.

“Can I braid your hair?” Shiro blurts out one day out of the blue after Keith gets out of the shower after an intense round in the battle simulator. Keith is unusually tired so she stops right in her tracks, eyes wide as she stares at Shiro, who has apparently been _waiting_ in the dressing room for her to come out.

Keith looks at Shiro and combs her fingers through her damp hair which has started to get curly after it gets wet for some unknown reason. It tangles and becomes frizzy easily so Keith _does_ like to braid or wrap it into a loose bun after a shower.

She just didn't know Shiro had been paying enough attention to know that.

“Um,” Keith says intelligently. Blinks. “Sure… I guess. If you really want to?”

It comes out as a question but Shiro nods very seriously, determined, like braiding Keith’s hair is some sort of important mission that needs to succeed.

So this is how Keith ends up dragging a large stool in front of Shiro and sitting on it after handing Shiro her brush and a hairband. She’s not entirely sure why she feels strangely awkward and flustered, but Shiro is impossibly careful with her. She brushes Keith's hair for a few long minutes, making sure it’s completely smooth and untangled before she gathers Keith’s hair into three sections and starts braiding it with slow movements.

She's quiet as she works and her hands are gentle. Soft. Almost loving or intimate.

Keith’s heart squeezes inside her chest so she closes her eyes and lets herself enjoy the moment while it lasts.

_If_ it lasts, she reminds herself morbidly.

The braid ends up being floppy and too loose, a big damn mess really, but Keith loves it more than anything and keeps it on for the rest of the day.

Shiro blushes and smiles every time their eyes meet.

*

Things continue like this for god knows how long. There's tender touches, warm words and flickering hope and it’s absolutely infuriating not to know what it all means. Keith has no clue what to make of it all. She doesn’t know what to make of _Shiro_ anymore.

She’s not sure if Shiro enjoys playing this tug of war with Keith’s heart or if Shiro is even aware she’s doing it, but what Keith does know is that she can’t take it much longer.

Keith still _loves_ Shiro so, so much. With everything she is, everything she has; there are no words strong enough to describe it. Nothing seems like it could come even close enough and this is why this, all of this, is so fucking dangerous for her. For both of them.

She needs answers and she needs them soon.

*

In the end, Keith decides that perhaps it is indeed better to get a straight answer before it gets completely out of hand, so to speak.

"Why are you doing... all this?" Keith asks one night when Shiro unnecessarily walks her all the way across the castle into her room again, just to spend a few extra minutes in her company. Her words, not Keith's, though she certainly has no objections as long as she gets to hold Shiro's large hand and walk so closely to one another that there's scarcely space between them.

Shiro's steps falter as they come to a stop in front of Keith's door. She seems to know what Keith is talking about without asking and doesn't seem to want to pretend otherwise.

"I…" she starts quietly. Licks her lips with a deep frown. She doesn't look exactly uncertain, but Keith has a feeling this is something big, something Shiro has considered for a while now.

"I guess I want to… see," Shiro says.

"See what?" Keith asks softly. Kindly. Shiro is still holding her hand. She rubs the tender skin of Keith's wrist with her big thumb. The slight touch is so gentle it's almost senseless.

"You," Shiro answers hesitantly, searching Keith's eyes with her gaze. "And… me. Us."

Keith's breath shivers in the air between them. "Why?" she whispers incredulously. Her head feels hollow and she can barely concentrate on anything other than the way Shiro keeps touching her like she's something precious. "Why now?"

"Because you've waited for me for so, so long," Shiro answers with a small smile.

Part of Keith wants to say that it's not actually that long and Shiro shouldn't feel _obliged_ of all things, but then Shiro continues: "My mind and heart are a big damn mess because of it. It's a little funny. Three years ago all I wanted was to go to Kerberos and make my parents and grandpa proud, but now it seems like --"

Shiro pauses and draws a long breath. Keith is still. "Like you're the only thing in my mind. All the time I think about you," she says. She closes her eyes and opens them slowly to peer down at Keith. She looks so fond, it makes Keith want to kiss her now more than ever. "Just you."

Keith is not even aware that she's crying before Shiro cups her cheeks and wipes the tears away with the kindest touch there is.

"Is that something you would want?" Shiro asks then. She bends down to press their foreheads together. "To hang on with me until I figure everything out. And maybe to… to _be_ with me when I -- both of us -- are ready?"

She's very nervous, Keith notices. She has never seen Takashi Shirogane as nervous as she is right at this moment. Keith is pretty sure there's a few tears in Shiro's grey eyes as well.

As if there would ever be a world or universe where Keith would even consider saying no.

**epilogue;**

Consider this:

having everything one has ever wanted handed to one on a silver platter without any reservations. How would it feel? How would it change one’s world image? Would life ever feel the same afterwards?

Those feel like excellent questions, but Keith Kogane has no particular answers for them. It's simply so difficult to put into words what sort of emotions run through her head when she kisses Takashi Shirogane for the very first time after years of longing and waiting.

It happens merely a few weeks after Shiro’s confession, sooner than Keith expects but no later than she hoped. Even impatient people know how to wait for a good thing to happen once there’s already been a promise of it.

Shiro kisses Keith after a good round of sparring and it catches Keith completely off guard. One second Keith is pressing Shiro down into the mattress and grinning at her and the next Shiro is staring at her in wonder, eyes wide open and lips curved into a smile. Then she yanks Keith down by her long braid (ouch) and presses their lips together in a simple, short kiss.

It's sweet and lovely and more than Keith has ever hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made myself cry a little while writing the confession scene, ngl.
> 
> Thank you for reading, kudos & comments are still very much appreciated, but not required! ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. ♥ I've been given an extra week (thanks to the amazing mods!!!) to finish the second chapter so expect it to land sometime next week! :)
> 
> I'm @vilnakristiina on twitter if you want to say hi!


End file.
